What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 08:53
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why is it rare for someone to despise both the Democrats and Republicans?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She married twice! .
What is your daily motivation and does it work?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Would this be the day?
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it wasn’t much.
I have no regrets .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Do any other guys like to eat cum of another man from their wife's pussy?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
How did you respond to, "Why do you love me"?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?
But, we were locked up after school.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do some people have sex with dogs?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
(And it was in our own minds.)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
This is soul school!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I said to her
Especially a lifetime of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But ive been too sick for many years..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He resisted the act ,that day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
Who then, do I blame.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Put me off passion for life!!
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why did i forgive my father ?
All the time i was locked up.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was 9 years of age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We all went to grammer schools
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
What did i know ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ive learnt so much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were not on the streets..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was seconnd youngest,
I don,t even have a pension.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
Im still living with it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She loved him until the end.
She was in good health!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He knew the spot.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).